Man Breaks Into Church To Baptize Himself And Steal Money

A Georgia man is back behind bars for being a giant douchebag. Friday, Derek Porter used a cinder block to smash the window of the Emerald Beach Church in Florida. A woman working at the church heard the noise and ran off, but Derek stayed and loaded up his truck with several electronics including a TV, a computer, and a bag of cash. While Derek was in there, he decided to baptize himself in the baptistry pool. He told cops when they showed up that he didn't remember what happened while he was in the church, but did say that something held his head under water while he was in the pool. He ended up causing $8k in damages. Police took him in for burglary of an occupied structure, criminal mischief, possession of meth, and possession of paraphernalia.