News quickies 7-20

Wall Street Bull Covered In Sex Toys, Ridden By ‘Vladimir Putin’

Reported Burglar Turns Out To Be ‘Rogue Squirrel’

Wife ties up husband's mistress, smears hot chilli sauce in her vagina and shaves her head

Postman writes 'threatening' warning notes on man's letters - but company claims they're completely justified

Naked 'ghost hunter' gets stuck in gate in bizarre quest to find paranormal activity

Giant Jeff Goldblum Spotted In London

'Time traveller from 2030' claims Tupac faked his own death to avoid revealing secrets of the Illuminati

Michigan twins run for county seats as political opponents


Semi Driver Crashes on Highway While Trying to Swat Fly 

Man Arrested After Driving Car While Sitting on Bucket And Steering With Pliers

Woman Uses 'Mom Voice' to Scare Bear Away from Porch

Man Gets Fouled During Pickup Game, Calls 911

Porn Star Wants to Be Buried Inside a Giant Remote-Controlled Penis

Amazon Has A Patent On A Dwarf Tossing Robot

Candidate Posts Nude Picture Of Wife On Campaign Site

Man who had sex with horse said it gave consent by winking at him

Millennials Outraged After Baseball Team Advertises "Millennial Night" With Avocados, Participation Ribbons, And Napping Stations

 Florida Beachgoer Sentenced To 15 Days In Jail For Stealing Shell

Louisiana Man Arrested After Dialing 911 To See If He Had Warrants

Walmart Closed For Hours Due To Trespassing Coon

Florida Woman Arrested After Pet Spider Monkey Attacks Home Depot Employees

Woman Discovers Maggots While Taking A Bath In Her Fancy Hotel Room

Minnesota Man Serving Life For Two Murders Runs For Senate

Pranksters Plant Wyoming City's Flower Pots With Real Pot

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